As those of you who have read Phoebe’s story so far will know, my daughter is strong & determined. She now looks like she did before the anorexia arrived, she looks like Phoebe, .. my beautiful daughter, healthy and well, but looks can be very deceiving.
Phoebe is going though an incredibly difficult time at present, I wont go into specific details as this is Phoebe’s journey, but what I can tell you is my & our experience .. the people who live with and love Phoebe.
Up until our wedding I/ we were lulled into thinking that Phoebe was doing really well, that she was coping & maybe in those early days she was, but I think the goal of attending and being present at our wedding was her focus .. well truth be told it was all our wish that she was able to attend, and she did it in her usual Phoebe way .. totally brilliantly, but since then things have changed & we can see now that in fact she is struggling.
People have said to me how amazing, healthy & well she looks .. but looks are only skin deep. When Phoebe was at her lowest weight you could see how ill and how utterly vulnerable & fragile she was, but of course as she gains weight the assumption is that she is better, this is the trouble with mental illness .. unless you can see it you physically see it you really have no idea it could be there, its a hidden illness, one that can sometimes be difficult to understand if you are not in that same position or have not experienced it. I of course have no idea what struggles Phoebe is having .. I have never had anorexia, so I will never fully understand .. I can only try .. and be there for her.
The staff at the unit where Phoebe is staying are truly wonderful, I know there she is getting the right help and support that she so desperately needs to help her recover. At the moment times are very difficult and I would love more than anything in the world to just scoop Phoebe up and just take all of this pain, sorrow, hurt and anguish away from her, .. as her mum seeing my daughter go through this completely breaks my heart.
The boys are obviously aware of their sisters struggles and are so gentle and sensitive towards her, they of course worry about her, and want their feisty & sometimes rather bossy sister back, Mr W is of course also worried, they have a very good relationship & Phoebe would often give him stick about pretty much anything in her usual cheeky manner.
So as Phoebe continues her very tough journey, I/we will be there by her side, giving her all the love and support she needs … for as long as she needs it (& more) .. she is my girl and my heart swells with pride and love for her.
Niki xx
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