So Phoebe, my eldest & my only girl is 18 & a day (as I write this), I cannot believe that I have and 18 year old or even be old enough or responsible enough to have one .. yet here I am.
Those of you who have read my previous posts about Phoebe will know what she has gone through, I won’t lie and say its all been peachy .. it absolutely has not been and there were times where I honestly thought I had lost my daughter forever … but thankfully here we are celebrating 18 years of my delicious girl .. I thought I pen her a letter of memories .. something to maybe look back on in years to come.
It honestly only seems like yesterday that you came into my life .. of course it was all done in your own way of emergency C-Section & me with general anaesthetic & when I woke your dad said those words I will never forget .. “she’s a girl, she’s what you want … is she Phoebe?” .. I vaguely remember nodding and you were put into my arms .. sadly I only know this because of photos as I was still rather drugged up! A few days later we were home and getting into our routine. From those early toddler days you were little Miss Independent .. always knowing your own mind .. and in particular what you wanted to wear … I still remember that butterfly skirt & top that was worn & worn on repeat (I honestly grew to hate that outfit), the tankini top worn only as a top and the long floaty dress from Laura Ashely that was more autumn/winter clothing but you HAD to wear it the middle of scorching summer in Portugal!!
Time really does fly as soon enough you were at kindergarten having never spoken Portuguese before you took to it like duck to water, on your first day you didn’t even look back … I was holding back the tears and you were absolutely fine. And so it went that when we moved back to the UK after nine years in Portugal on your first day in Year 6 you strolled in as if you’d always been there (credit where credit is due the three of you made me so very proud that day), and when I returned home from work, that I had also started that day (after 12 years of being a stay at home mum) none of you were at home, you were all playing with your new friends!
Time moves quickly, maybe not for you but for me (& all mums and dads) it seems to fly by, in the blink of an eye you were in your teens, still as determined .. but with that added extra zing of the teenage attitude, maybe one day you’ll know all about this delight! Your teenage years where not straight forward as we both know, and I will never know the struggle you went though or the pain you suffered, I could only look on feeling utterly helpless, just being there & supporting you as best I could and being your mum, there were some truly awful times where it all seemed so bleak and dark, but we have come through it and I really feel that you are back, that my Phoebe has returned …. and its the most wonderful feeling in the world.
Your social life is very social (as it should be) and you have a group of fabulous and supportive friends who I know adore you (I mean who wouldn’t), you are now in your final year of A Levels and we are discussing which universities you’d like to visit, you’re already busy planning your summer holidays for next year (I think you get that planning & organising bit from me), life is as it should be for you … exciting full of fun and endless opportunities.
I am so excited for your future and to see the young lady you have become, a great friend, kind, generous, a fabulous (but bossy when needed) big sister to Archie and Harry, clever, independent & loving (although I won’t say no to more hugs). There are so many opportunities ahead of you, and I know whatever path, career, decision you take you will absolutely without a shadow of doubt be brilliant at it. I am so proud to say that I am your mum, you (& your brothers) fill my heart with utter joy.